Hindsight is a Bitch.

A year ago I posted that I was stuck in the halfway home for those of us whose adulthood is simply defined by our numerical age. I also wrote that I knew how far off I was to truly becoming a woman. I promised that I would record all of my heartaches, dream and achievements and that I wouldn’t rest until they were all down on paper.

The time has finally come for me to look back over this year, and tell you what I have learnt.

Each day I will post one of my years worth of epiphanies. Each epiphany was had after a long journey into new understanding. Some are mind numbingly obvious while others are a little more outside of the box.

I have heard the expression “Hindsight is a bitch”. That is something I am determined to never say. I value hindsight. You learn from it.

So, therefore, this is a prologue to a long list of posts about what I have learnt.

Welcome to the Record.

I have always spent my life preparing for something. Relationships. Leadership. College. Adulthood. But now I am here, I don’t know how prepared I really am. Not quite a child, not quite an adult.

Recently I turned 20. It isn’t a big birthday, but it is the beginning of a big decade. In this decade I will graduate from College, get married, get a real job, maybe get pregnant all by the time I turn 30. I am going to buy my first dodgy house to renovate, my first tin can car and live simply so others can simply live. But for now, I feel I am stuck in the halfway home for those of us whose adulthood is simply defined by our numerical age.

I am about to volunteer for a year in Denmark and it is going to change my life. I can feel it in my bones. I have always sensed that my life is going to be very different, and so far it has been. I feel like I am nothing like the girls I know my age, and I believe that is a good thing. Now. I struggled with my differences when I was in my mid teens, but I have learned to love who I am, the skin I am in, and the life I am choosing to live. Everything I have been up until this point has prepared me for what I am about to become.

I grew up in a Christian home. My dad is a pastor and our family has always been involved in his work. Ministry is a lifestyle, and it is the life I have lived, and will be the career I will continue living. I was born in Nambour, Australia, but grew up in Brisbane until I was 7. We moved to New Zealand in 2001, and it was there I got my first taste of being an outsider. I had to learn to be content with my own company, and discover how to make friends with everyone. Later, I realized that our move to New Zealand began preparing me for the life I was to live. We moved back to Australia in 2006, and settled where we are now, on the Central Coast. I definitely have had my struggles here, but I am at the point now where I am confidently content with my life on the coast, but also able to walk away to Scandinavia and know that I will be ok, and am not dependent on my coastal life.

I now study a Bachelor of Ministry and Theology at a small Christian college but I am putting my studies on hold.

I am learning to become a woman, what it is to be a woman, and how far off I am to truly becoming one. I feel like I am embarking on a journey into adulthood, and I don’t want to miss a single step. There is so much going on in my mind, and I will not rest until it is all on paper. I am determined to record every dream, heartache, achievement and journey within these pages. I do not know what this blog will become, but I know it will be something great, because this is my story. My life. 

I am going to make all of my dreams come true, and it is going to be worth recording.